On Conan

If Conan O'Brien was a circus bear, NBC would be a pile of shit.

Who Would You Rather... Be Mauled By?

Last night on the HuffPo front page:

And, while the families are in our prayers, the question remains:

Which pet would you prefer to be killed by? Inquiring minds need to know.

Bend Over Shorty (Awards)!

The Shorty Awards are the best reason ever to throw your laptop out the window of your fourth story apartment, hopefully reaching the adjacent building and taking out an aspiring David Archuleta.

Maybe you don't know what the Shorty Awards are. That makes two of us. Briefly, which is all the time I can bother to waste learning about this farce, the Shorty Awards recognize the best Twat of the year. The Twats are nominated by category.

Above, you'll notice that David Archuleta, karaoke singer, is in the Top 10 of nominees in three different categories: Health, Food, Education.

This means two things: first, Twats have a good sense of humor and think the prospect of an Archuleta sweep is as funny as I do. It also means that every second someone thinks seriously about who deserves a Shorty Award, they are doing nothing other than contributing to the heat death of the universe (at best), or keeping jobless, health insurance-less, child veterans on the streets in winter (at worst).

I can't wait to hear about the winners!

Regan' and Stealin'

Cameron Regan is apparently related to the father of the modern Republican party. TMZ reports that this kid went to jail the other day for screaming profanities at police officers. Once upon a time, he help a grifter steal some cars.

This prodigal grandchild should take a hard look in the mirror and be glad that he was not cursed with the vacant, hateful stare of his former progenitor, and get a job that doesn't continue to involve stealing cars. You've got a future kid. Move to the midwest and keep your head down. Stay away from Michael Steele and the tea-baggers, and you might turn out alright.

(photo: TMZ)